I don’t want to eat vegan. 

I don’t want to have to sit for hours figuring out what I can eat and what my family can eat that compliments that, while allowing for some meat and dairy for them.

I don’t want to do this forever. 

I want to be in the sun….SO BADLY.  I just look out the windows all day long and remember what it feels like to have sunshine hit my skin.  I miss that so much it makes me cry.

I don’t want all of the foods I love taken away forever. 

I don’t want to gag down (literally) my breakfast.  And gag my vitamins back up.

I don’t want to be on the couch or in bed while everyone else gets to be busy with life and tell me how lucky I am to get to rest all of the time.

I do want to be honest and not act like this is all fun and that I love eating vegan.  This is a choice.  A tough one.  I don’t want to wonder years down the road if I could have felt better by going natural. So today I am ticked off.  I will get over it.  I am also still ridding my body of my antidepressant, which makes me a wee bit sad and moody :)

I am thinking of this whole process as a marathon.  The gun was just fired.  It seems I may have jumped the gun, though.

I was so ready to see some changes and had heard about this diet and just jumped in.  I prob should have come more slowly off my meds (my doc doesn’t have much experience in taking people OFF things! ).  The reason I am feeling so horrible right now is prob because all of these changes have sent me in to a flare.    And I am probably having some rebounding issues with meds.  (When you get off of something, your symptoms can sometimes be greater than they even originally were.) What makes this time even harder is that I can’t take anything for my headaches or fever.

Speaking of, I am off of Lexapro. Another down!  Weaning off insomnia med starting tonight.  It will take weeks.  I can’t take melatonin b/c it can make Lupus worse.  Crazy.  It stimulates the immune system.

Elisa, welcome to my blog!

Elisa is the RD helping me.  I am under orders to treat cruciferous veggies as my meds.  So broccoli, collard greens, cabbage, etc….will be amped up even more.  And I am adding fish oil back in and a crazy high probiotic.  The company overnights it b/c it has to remain refrigerated.  (My current one has 10 billion CFU’s…this one has 450 billion!  See, crazy high!?)

Glad another week is down.  Hoping this next is better than the last.  I can’t live like this. 

Here is a link to the RD who is helping me achieve my goals.  It is a bit weird hiring someone for something I have studied my whole life! But she has successfully gotten off of her medications for Lupus.  She told me today we are looking at 6 - 12 months of this before feeling better.  And that it took her a little LONGER than that.  But she did it.

If you asked me to summarize childhood in one bite, I think my mom’s gumbo would probably be that bite.  We did not have it weekly or monthly, but we had it often.  And hers is the best gumbo I have ever had.  Sometimes we would have it because company was coming in town, sometimes because our dear friends Buck and Alma brought us fresh shrimp from the gulf, but mostly, we had it because it tasted so good and was comforting to all of us.

My mom is from Biloxi, MS.  Making it regularly was her way of infusing her heritage into our Texas seeped roots.  And  now we all get to pass that on to another generation….who LOVE gumbo!

(Our gumbo does NOT have a roux.  Never has, never will.  Healthier and tastier this way.)

So tonight, we have family in town.  And she is making gumbo.  I so badly wanted to make a vegan version.  But really, what makes the gumbo taste so good is that bacon grease, the okra, the shrimp, sausage, and chicken!  And I can only eat one of those ingredients.  I had to try and see what I could do.  So this is what I spent the morning doing…and am SO glad I did!

Vegan Gumbo, Biloxi Style

• 2 bunches mustard greens
• 1/2 bunch red chard
• 4 celery stalks
• 1 onion
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 green bell peppers
• 1 quart of okra (next time will do 2 quarts)
• 1-2 tsp Vegebase
• 9 ish cups water
• Worcestershire Sauce
• Cajun seasoning or Tobasco
• File’ 
• Cooked brown rice to serve over

1) Wash greens and chard  in a sink full of water and let the dirt fall to the bottom.  Drain in a colander.  Place in a large stock pot.  Add a few inches of water to the bottom and some Kosher salt.  Bring to boil, then simmer with the lid on.  Using tongs, gently toss the greens every few minutes.  Continue until the greens are cooked down.  I prob let them cook for 40 minutes or so.

2) Chop all other vegetables.  Heat olive oil in a pot over medium high heat (this will be the pot you finish the soup in).  Add these veggies and cook until they are translucent and yummy looking.  Stir often.  It is almost always wise to add salt to veggies that you are cooking.  It coaxes the water right out of them.  These pictures of the veggies are before cooking down. I should have taken an after picture.  :(

3)Add Vegebase, water, Worcestershire Sauce, and any seasonings you would like.  I added fresh ground pepper and some Tony Chachere’s.  Bring the soup to a simmer and just let it cook away.  At some point, it stops looking watery and starts looking like gumbo.  That is what we are aiming for.

4) Somewhere during all of this cooking, drain your greens.  Chop half of them and put half in a blender and blend into a paste.  If you need, add a little water to your blender.   Then add all of this to the gumbo.

5) Cook and taste for seasoning!  Add whatever your heart desires.  At the very end, add the file’, if you have it. 

This gumbo is bright green!  You can certainly add soy sausage or whatever you would like.  Personally, I am trying to avoid all processed foods of any sort.  I *almost* didn’t add Tony’s or Worcestershire Sauce.  I am glad I did, though, because I consider this gumbo a huge success!  I actually love it! 

It tastes like home.  Thanks, Mama :)

Reality is:

I am definitely getting worse.  I was hardly out of bed yesterday.  Today has not started any better.  I just feel awful.  Symptoms are the same.  Stupid sores in my nose.  They look like little carved out caves.  And they hurt like mad.  Zero energy.  As in the kind that you just can’t push through.  Headaches.  And on and on.

I will just sleep the day away and get ready for my classes tonight. 

I am blessed by family and friends who help me.  Pray my kiddos won’t see how bad I feel. I am SO tired of being sick. 

Thanks for joining me in this journey.  I was told I would get worse before I got better.  That part has proven true.  Now lets pray that the feeling better part kicks in at some point. I need strength…..

My sweet friend, Gretchen, and I cook for each others’ families every other week.  We live only a street away, cook similarly in regards to nutrition, and both love to experiment!  It is FABULOUS!  I think everyone should find a neighbor or a good friend to share dinner duty.  It is awesome.

A few months ago, she made spring rolls.  They were wrapped in rice paper, and are gluten free!

After my splurge on produce this weekend, we thought this may be a fun thing to do as a family. We had no recipe…just some fresh ingredients. I am NO expert in rolling, as my ugly rolls will show.  But they were SO yummy!  The kids ate vegan and had no idea.  They rate every meal I make.  This one got a 100 (scale of 1 - 10) from one kid and a 6 from my picky eater.  This is quite exciting!

Ingredients:

Romaine lettuce

A Carrot

An Avocado

A Cucumber

Cilantro Sprigs

Cooked brown rice

Gluten Free Teriyaki sauce

Rice Spring Roll wrappers

Variety of dipping sauces

Thinly chop all veggies (except cilantro).  Once your brown rice is cooked, add some Teriyaki sauce to give it some flavor.

Take a pie pan and fill with warm water from the tap. 

Soak a rice sheet in the water then lay it on a damp dish towel.

Take a scoop of rice and lay it in the middle on the bottom, about ¼ of the way down.

Lay down some of each of the veggies.

Lay sides of rice paper in the middle.  Roll the bottom up and then roll the entire thing. (we were actually having a lot of fun, despite the serious looks on our faces! We look hysterical!)

Dip in a variety of sauces!!!  Here are our gluten free choices.  

Enjoy your veggies!!

Remember my addiction?  You know, the whole marinara thing? Well, I have a new one. I have made 4 batches of it in two weeks.  I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  And it, too, is TOMATO!!!! Evidently, I have a thing for lycopene.

And here it is!  

Vegan Roasted Tomato Basil Soup (adapted from Chow.com)

INGREDIENTS

• 6–6 1/2 pound tomatoes, cut into chunks (any that look juicy and good)
• 1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon kosher salt
• 1 medium onion, chopped (sometimes blended in my blender instead)
• 2 large garlic clove, minced
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 2 cups fresh whole basil leaves
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Preheat the oven to 400°F.
2. Arrange the cut tomatoes on a large (10×16-inch) baking sheet. Drizzle the tomatoes with 1/4 cup olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Toss with your hands until the tomatoes are evenly coated with oil, then arrange them cut side up; they should fill the pan completely. Place in oven and roast the tomatoes for 50 minutes. Remove pan from the oven and set aside.
3. Warm the rest of the olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion and sauté until soft and slightly golden, about 10 minutes. Add garlic and pepper flakes and sauté for one more minute. Carefully pour in all the tomatoes and their juices. Add the basil and thyme. Simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool slightly.
4. Blend the soup in batches in the blender, pouring finished soup into a clean saucepan or bowl.  Once blended, it looks all creamy and orange. 
5. After all batches are in the serving bowl, salt to taste.  Keep adding kosher salt until it tastes just right.  I add a lot.  :)

I was so overwhelmed with the veggies I had and really just went with my instinct on what to make and how to make it.

Please read this recipe through before starting. It is a little bit of a juggling act.  Risotto is always best made with a helper. 

I made it today after getting all of these fresh veggies from the Farmer’s Market.  I am trying to just let the food guide me as to how to prepare each thing.  Thanks to some awesome cookbooks from: Nutritious Eats, I was able to read about some different veggies and prep ideas and put together this recipe.

So here is my creation (which I think you should try….vegan or not!): Vegan butternut squash, red chard, and roasted red pepper risotto!

Olive Oil

Kosher salt and fresh ground pepper

1 yellow onion, chopped

2-3 large leaves of red chard (and stalk) chopped

1 handful purslane, chopped

2 medium sized butternut squash

1 red bell pepper, seeded and quartered

1 1/2 cups arborio rice

64 oz veggie broth

White wine (1/2 cup or more…you choose!)

Toasted pine nuts (toast on 350 for 5 minutes)

Preheat oven to 400.  Stem and slice butternut squash in half, scoop out seeds, and lay cut side down on a greased pan.  Add cut red bell pepper to the pan.  Roast these together for 35 - 40 minutes.

Meanwhile, do 3 things. 

1) Heat veg broth to a boil and lower to a simmer.

2) Heat olive oil and add rice until starting to brown (and maybe pop).

3) Heat olive oil in another pan and start sauteing the onions.

Once your rice is brown, add the veg broth, one hot scoop at a time.  Stir until the liquid is absorbed.  This will take a while. As you get toward the end of the broth, test for doneness. You may or may not need all of that broth. Somewhere during that process, pour in some white wine in place of the broth.  This really enhances the flavor.

As you are doing this, add the cut chard and the purslane to the onions and cook down, adding some Kosher salt as you cook.  This will help coax the water out of the veggies. The red stems will maintain a little crunch, but really cook those suckers down!

Once the veggies from the oven are roasted, skin and chop the butternut squash and chop the red pepper.  Add these veggies to the onion mixture and saute a bit.  Taste for seasoning.

Once the rice is done, remove from the heat and add this veggie mixture.  Top with toasted pine nuts and some parm, if you are not vegan!

Wondering WHAT THE HECK Purslane is???  Me, too!  But evidently it is the highest plant form of Omega 3’s!  Yay!  For more, read here: Purslane.  I bought some at the market today.  It is trickier getting Omega 3’s now because fish oil is not exactly vegan. :)

Eat well! 

Today, we visited a local Farmer’s Market: http://www.pearlfarmersmarket.com/

Then we went to Whole Foods.

Then we ran out of money.

Not really, but we spent a LOT on food. This is what our kitchen counter looked like when we got home.  We have to keep remembering that this is my medicine and the hope is that we are investing now and saving medical bills in the future.

Week two was spent in the cool mountain air of Ruidoso, New Mexico.  Even though I spent pretty much the entire trip inside, my family got to hike and walk in the creek and so much more.  That air is just so fresh and wonderful!  We went with Lucky’s family and the cousins had a blast playing together. 

Still off Plaquenil and the immunosuppressant.  Still on 1/4 Lexapro, and now attempting 1/2 a Prilosec.  Also, tonight I will try to come off sleeping pill by replacing it with Melatonin.  I have heard this is a natural sleep aid.  We shall see…..

Symptoms are definitely getting worse.  My hair is falling out again like mad, I have sores in both sides of my nose, my spots on my scalp are  more bothersome, and the nerve issues are here (hands and feet fall asleep randomly).  I am also back to taking really long naps.  Most of them are at least 2 hours.  If this is what I see on the outside, what on earth is happening on the inside?  Time will tell!

I have eaten exactly as I should- even on vacation.  I packed salad and ate cold soup both on the way there and on the way back.  And I snacked on apples.  I will admit to tearing up and a little pity party after the family got Blizzards about 3 hours away from home.  But Luck got me some gluten free coconut milk ice cream (cookie dough…yum!) for me when we got home. Good guy :)