Watching my family drive away to church without me led to tears. Tears of sadness that I am not with them having those conversations in the car. Tears of sadness for Lucky having to go places without his partner. Tears of guilt for not being with Daniella and Reid and spending so much time in bed.
I have been having constant stomach aches, total fatigue, headaches, face broken out, joint pain, etc… It is time I do something about it. So starting today, I am going on a juice/blending fast again. I honestly don’t know how long I will do it. It is not an ideal time for me. Mostly because I teach Body Pump and Boot Camp tomorrow. And oh, that big holiday THANKSGIVING is just 4 days away!
Yesterday I was angry. Angry that I am still sick all of the time. But I am not angry at God. I actually prefer times like this. Simply because I am more aware of my need for Him. When I am feeling okay, well, I don’t always feel I need Him for each breath. Right now, however, I am acutely aware of how I can’t do this alone. I rely on Him for so much more. This is how I should always be. I guess that is why Paul said that, …when he is weak, then he is strong. I wholeheartedly agree.
So this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all of the good things Lupus brings to my life. And I am hopeful that I will feel better soon.